Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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