I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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