I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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