I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think my vagina is haunted
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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