Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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