can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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