You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize