Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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