I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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