And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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