You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize