I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize