The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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