Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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