There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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