clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize