Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just pee around me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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