you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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