too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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