I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
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Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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