yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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