soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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