They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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