I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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