I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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