I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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