it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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