If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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