Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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