I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize