Your mouth is God's brothel.
Non-Jews are for practice
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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