I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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