could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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