I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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