Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize