omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize