No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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