So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
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Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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