I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I want a musical about memes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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