So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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