Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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