Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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