Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize