Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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