Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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