I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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