I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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