did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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