i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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