What did we do last night that was yellow?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize